Mediocrity, come to me! I am your patron saint!

Rants of a frustrated young adult.

Sigh… I just need to vent and rant like a proper bitch. I’m just well upset and frustrated with my life at the moment, specifically with regards to my singing. Singing is my passion, it’s my life, it’s my escape but I just feel like I’m not really getting anywhere with it and I feel like it’s such a ludicrous career path to want to have and I mean that in the least offensive, non-judgemental way… What I really mean is like in comparison to a lot of other “dream jobs”, wanting to become an international singing sensation is pretty high up isn’t it? A far-fetched dream. I don’t know, I feel so unappreciated and although singing is something I do for myself, it would be really nice to be noticed and appreciated in some manner… I know I sound like a downright baby whinging about how unappreciated he is, oh poor me… but that’s truly how I feel.

Even with my parents, friends, they all know this is as good as it gets to me but they take it so lightly. I feel like it’s almost a burden to them when I ask them to take a listen to something I just recorded to get their feedback on it, because I care what they have to say… and after all isn’t that the ultimate craving we humans have? attention? reassurance? knowing someone’s listening to what we have to say, knowing someone sees us and understands us or at least tries to…

Sigh, I don’t know. I have faith that it will all work out eventually, but it’s fucking difficult trying to keep high spirits when everyone around you pretty much just pushes you aside. I don’t know… I look at some of my friends and they keep telling me how lucky I am to have a passion and to be good at it, but I think on the contrary, it’s also a curse… Knowing exactly what you want to do with your life, or your “calling” but not really being able to do anything about it. I’m not sure what I want to come out as a result of this rant, and no I don’t want to just be handed everything on a silver platter but I suppose ultimately I just need to know that what I’m doing is good enough, that it’s okay that my life is currently stalling and have been for a while now… that all of this pain and uncertainties and frustrations will eventually pay off…

Singing just takes me to a place where I feel like no one can judge me and if they did, I didn’t give a rat’s arse. When I sing I feel like no one can touch me or put me down. It’s just me, singing my emotions and thoughts out. I love it so much it hurts everytime I sing… Yeah, that’s it… it hurts, I get this really heavy feeling in my chest. Sigh. Oh well… tomorrow is another day.

tincantom:

Fuck I gotta shave.